


Year Long Headache

by BurntGayPotato



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Author regrets nothing, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Depression, Dizziness and Nausea may occur-, Feels, Filipino Michael Mell, Goodbyes, Headaches, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt No Comfort, Jeremy Heere Has ADHD, Jeremy Heere Has a Crush on Michael Mell, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Overdosing, Pining, Song: Listen Before I Go (Billie Eilish), Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, angst angst angst, angsty ending, post- squip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 13:42:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20547110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurntGayPotato/pseuds/BurntGayPotato
Summary: what do I put heereJeremy is done. Things have spiraled downward, and hit rock bottom. So he decides to bring his pain to an end.





	Year Long Headache

**Author's Note:**

> My head hurts
> 
> I'm sick
> 
> and tired
> 
> and i need to stop writing.
> 
> This is just a result of my last fight with my dad.
> 
> the title & plot is somewhat inspired by Billie Eilish's: Listen Before I Go
> 
> TW:  
SUICIDE  
SUICIDE NOTES  
MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH
> 
> POV: Jeremy

My head pounds, as it does frequently now that I’ve gotten rid of the Squip. It’s been a little over a year since then, and each time I’ve woken up with a splitting headache. Michael does his best to help me, with his various Mtn Dew Reds now that the drink is back in circulation, but it doesn’t help as much as it used to. I feel shitter than usual this morning. I glance at my phone. Nobody has called or texted me since I went to sleep at 10:30 yesterday, and it’s 1 PM. That hardly surprises me, I’ve been sleeping in later and later ever since summer started back up.

It’s been getting bad again. Dad was recently put on leave at work, and so he’s been working odd jobs all day. I myself have only interacted with Michael in the past two weeks, as he occasionally stops by. And by occasionally I mean every 8 hours. He can tell things haven't been good. I think he’s trying to make sure I don't hurt myself.

Add that to the list of Things Jeremy Has Done To Disappoint People. I don't plan to live the rest of today. I’ve picked out my method last night. Two bottles of painkillers - for irony’s sake, a handful of ADHD meds that have an unpronounceable name, and thirteen Xanax. 

Since I don't think I’ll have the energy to live normally before Michael will check in at 2 o’clock, I decide to get started on my note.

Feeling especially snarky, I debate just scrawling out,  _ thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, _ and being done with it. But I decide to go for something a bit more… dramatic and last-words poetic. However, I am by no means poetic, so I’ll have to improvise. I decide to start with my dad.

_ Dad, I’m sorry you’ll be alone in the house now. I just couldn't keep going. I leave my best hopes that you won't get too caught up in my memory that you won't take proper care of yourself. I love you. _

I’m moving slowly, feeling like my limbs are filled with led. I move on to my friends.

_ Rich, Jake, Jenna, Chloe, Brook, and Chrissy. You guys are my Squip squad for life. Too bad mine didn't last that long, huh? Besides my dark humor I hope you guys can learn to move on without me. Take care of each other. (And did anyone else get killer post-Squip headaches? They really drove me off the rails.) I love you guys. (Platonically.) _

I pause. There’s only Michael left now, which seems kind of sad. I guess there isn't a lot of people who would care if they were in my suicide note. It takes a little more time to think about what I’ll say to Michael, because we’ve got too many unsaid words. Finally, I write with great difficulty:

_ Michael, Mikey, Micah. There’s too many words for you that I didn't ever have the courage to say. I wish I had. I’m sorry. To you I leave my heart. I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you in one piece. I’m ending with full homo intended. Mahal kita. _

Five minutes pass, and I merely sit there. I look at the clock some time later, and find that five minutes is longer than I was last aware. It’s 1:49. Michael will be here soon enough. 

So I take the pills out of the cabinet and line them up on the bedsheets after they’ve been emptied. I place my note next to me, grab a glass of water from my dresser, and gulp down a handful of painkillers.

Then another. And another. Until I am done with the two bottles.

I’m already feeling a bit woozy.

I quickly snatch up the Xanax and gulp it down like I did the painkillers.

It’s 1:56. My headache increases.

I take the ADHD meds last, just as my clock buzzes 2 PM, and the front door opens. 

_ Michael. _

He calls my name. Panic begins to creep into his voice when I don't reply. I'm leaving this shithole. Time is running out. 

I see a terrified face above me. Michael screams, but it’s muted in my hearing. I’m fading quicker than I thought I would. There is a moment of tense silence as my best friend reads over his part of the note. His breathing quickens and he dials something on his phone. Probably 911. He shouts into it, scared out of his mind. He places my head on his lap and tries to shake me awake.

The last thing I hear is Michael sobbing,

“ _ Mahal din kita _ .”


End file.
